Helping Children Develop a Healthy Relationship with Failure

In our achievement-driven culture, children are often taught to fear failure. Parents, teachers, and even peers may unintentionally send the message that mistakes equate to signs of weakness. Yet, it’s precisely through failing and recovering that children build resilience, self-understanding, and confidence. The goal is not to eliminate mistakes—it’s to help children engage with them meaningfully and learn how to move forward.

When caregivers create space for reflection instead of rescue, they empower children to see mistakes as data, not defeat.



In his research on emotional regulation and development, clinical psychologist Dr. Ross Thompson of University of California-Davis (1991) found that, “Emotional self-management is required for the attentional and problem-solving strategies necessary for effective cognitive functioning.” This finding underscores why teaching emotional regulation is as important as any academic instruction we provide for our young people.

More recent research confirms this connection. A 2023 study published in Developmental Psychology found that children who can identify and reflect on their emotions demonstrate stronger adaptability in school and social settings (Davis et al., 2023). In other words, how a child feels about failure profoundly influences how they respond to it.

1. Normalize and narrate mistakes.
   When your child faces a setback—whether it’s a test score, a team loss, or a conflict—help them see it as part of learning: “I’ve made mistakes too, and they helped me grow.”
   
   
2. Encourage problem-solving instead of rescuing.
   Guide your child to identify options by asking, “What could you try next?” rather than immediately fixing the issue for them.
   
   
3. Model "safe failure."
   Let your child witness your own attempts, setbacks, and recoveries. Seeing a parent manage failure calmly normalizes imperfection.
   
   
4. Pause before problem-solving.
   When frustration runs high, help your child slow down—name the emotion, take a breath, and reflect before acting.
   
   
5. Praise persistence, not perfection.
   Reinforce effort, adaptability, and curiosity over flawless results: "I'm proud of how you kept at it, even when it was hard."

At Dr. Nate Psych, we believe resilience is built through connection, reflection, and courage. By teaching children to engage with failure rather than avoid it, we help them develop the emotional flexibility to handle life’s inevitable challenges with strength and self-confidence.



Thompson, R. A. (1991). Emotional regulation and emotional development. Educational Psychologist Review, 3(1), 69-82. Retrieved from sedlpubs.faculty.ucdavis.edu
Davis, E. L., et al. (2023). Early antecedents of emotion differentiation and regulation. Developmental Psychology. Elsevier. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S016363832200100X